There have been a variety of thoughts bouncing around in my mind for some time now. I’ve worked on fleshing them out into a full post, but none have worked out the way in which I wanted them to. Instead of just having them float around in my mind never to see the light of day, I gathered them together to create a bit of an homage to “Meditations,” Marcus Aurelius.
The book has had more of an impact on me than I thought it would and I think this is the best way to put my thoughts to rest and present what’s been rumbling around in my head for the past few months.
For Marcus
Thinking “what if” too often prevents you from doing things that make you happy.
No one deserves this. You didn’t deserve this.
The majority of us are completely average. That’s okay.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Compare yourself to who you want to be.
You don’t need stacks of cash to make a positive contribution in the world.
Some days will be overwhelming and/or horrifying.
No one will ever understand what happened one hundred percent. Those with empathy will stick around and be a comfort to you.
Friendships are scary, terrifying, overwhelming and hard work. Do it anyway. If it doesn’t work out, try again. There is a friend out there somewhere who will accept you as the weird and goofy person you are and who won’t be offended when you cancel at the last moment because you can’t be outside today.
Crazy Horse was probably a good friend.
Do lunch with them. It’s food. It’s companionship. They like you or they wouldn’t keep asking you back.
Reflect on how much progress you have made.
Always evaluate the things you have been told and decide for yourself whether it is truth.
Healing isn’t linear.
Be kind to others.
Social media is designed to make you feel bad. Post pictures of cats, possums, and Formula One race cars instead. Better yet, don’t visit often. Your brain will thank you.
Be careful who you choose as friends and who you allow to keep your secrets.
The teacher who actually helps you with the bully is a rare creature. Often you are the only one who will stick up for yourself and you have to be willing to accept the consequences.
There are adult bullies, too.
Learn to recognize toxicity. Then learn how to walk away.
Don’t ever be someone else’s punching bag.
Some tasks are easier to accomplish than others. That doesn’t make you a failure.
Failure is an opportunity to learn. Don’t be afraid of it.
Practice mindfulness.
Watch Formula One.
Have a cup of tea.
No one understands cricket.
Hypervigilence is a word that should not exist.
Spending time with “Why?” is wasted energy. There may never be a fucking answer.
Explore the world. From insects to mountain tops, there is always something to learn.
An apology without remorse is just empty words. Don’t say it if you don’t feel it.
Your journey in life is not a race. You will reach your destination when you need to.
All work is worthwhile.
Take no for an answer.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is a polite way to shut down conversation and dismissing you and your trauma. You do not need these people in your life.
Nietzsche was wrong.
You were already strong. That’s why you survived.
Life is not fair. There is always going to be someone who is more attractive than you, makes more money than you, or is more successful than you.
Justice depends on how much money you have.
Remember the happy moments during the hard times.
No matter who you are or how old you are, it’s okay to cry. Weep if you need to.
Don’t eat that donut. You will be thankful for it later.
Not living in New York is the best thing you could ever do.
It’s okay to enjoy being alone.
If you can’t eat it now, try again later. If that doesn’t work, give it to your husband.
How did it make you feel?
Is it worth stressing out or freaking out?
A memory mentioned in passing may open many unexpected doors. You get to choose when to walk through them.
School is “not the best days of your life” for everyone. Many students are friendless, feel worthless, and are invisible.
Life is your unique perception.
Don’t hide from your emotions. You cannot grow without them.
Process the heartbreak(s) no matter how old they are. Now is the time to start.
You can’t just say it wasn’t your fault. You have to believe it.
Anyone who makes fun of another human being that is struggling is not worth spending time with. Give them no more thought.
Don’t compare your trauma to others and put it on a scale.
Someone who drowns in a bathtub is just as dead as someone who drowns in the ocean.
I will not be remembered after I’m dead and that’s okay. Most everyone else won’t be either.
Some people will find you weird. Don’t give a shit about what they think.
Having PTSD doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s okay to not always understand or be scared. It’s part of the process. Don’t wing it. It doesn’t work.
A good therapist is worth twice their weight in gold.
Who I am now isn’t who I am working on becoming. Who I was then doesn’t exist anymore.
You are changing every day. Decide who future you is going to be and work on achieving that goal.
Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. It probably isn’t going to happen.
Stop doubting yourself.
It’s okay to not remember everything.
Don’t beat yourself up for the days you can’t function like a normal human being. Your friends understand.
Be gentle with yourself.
Don’t push yourself too hard or too fast.
No one is perfect. You are going to fail. It’s what you do after you fail that matters.
Forgive yourself and move on.