Moments before sunrise, the visitors center at Agate Fossil Beds National Monument is still obscured in fog.
Sometimes, you reach a point in your life where you think, “fuck it. I’m going to tell the story.” I don’t want to hold onto the bullshit anymore. It’s time to tell the story so I can move on.
Last weekend, Lewis Hamilton won the Spanish Grand Prix. It was his first race win since joining Ferrari in 2025. He’s told the media he had to remember who he was and what he was capable of. He needed time to figure that out after a disastrous season last year.
My supervisors.
EMDR and therapy have been rough lately. It’s okay. That’s how it works. However, I hadn’t anticipated the current deluge of events, which have rained down more drops than I feel I can handle all at once.
A honey bee approaches a flower as it searches for nectar in the flowerbed outside Riverside Discovery Center.
“When are we leaving?” Paul said.
“For what?” I said.
“I’m so tired of this clown show,” he said.
Aeryn and Londo, probably plotting against me or judging me. Maybe both.
This post isn’t going to be my usual musings or a list of things to watch or any of the other usual stuff I write. It’s about consolidation. I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and it’s preventing me from getting done the deeper things I want to do. I figured I’d fire off some of the things bouncing around in my brain which I’m not sure I want to flesh out into full posts of their own.
At the beginning of each week, I make a list of goals. Sometimes, they are small. Most of January was scrapped because I couldn’t sleep. Waking up from flashbacks is horrifying enough, but at least I know what they are now and can process a little and try to get some more rest. The constant headache from no sleep is aggravating. Not being able to concentrate due to sleep deprivation is, well, tiresome.
Every year, at the end of November, I begin to think about how I’d like my next year to look while reflecting on where I’ve been and the progress I’ve made. This year, 2025 threw me a few major curveballs.
The screaming woke me up. It took several moments for me to determine the screaming was coming from inside my head. It happens. It is part of my trauma. It is part of a flashback. It gets worse, like everything else in October.
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