Tag: life
Middletown, New York is a city with plenty of parks and designated play areas among the shopping centers, supermarkets, and concrete jungle, but, if you are a kid, there are also plenty of wooded areas to explore and step away from the trappings of city life.
Deep breath.
This is not an easy post for me to make or write, but there are some things people need to know. This past year has been a huge struggle, bigger than anyone will probably ever know.
A good friend of mine recently told me my shift in writing here has turned extremely personal. That is due, in part, to finally taking care of my mental health issues with a professional instead of doing it on my own.
By working on these issues, it has become harder to mask my inner turmoil. People at work ask if I’m okay. I’m not, but I am, and I will be. That’s the important part.
Imagine living in a world where you are told nothing you ever do is right. Imagine a world where everyone questions your actions or behavior. Imagine where everyone who could help you fails or is removed from your life. Imagine what kind of person you would be if you grew up in a world like this.
The wolf has fascinated us for thousands of years. We watch it as it makes its way through the woods, across snow, and as it approaches its prey. But it has also struck fear into man’s heart. That fear has created many legends over the centuries.
Its untamed spirit inspires us, draws us in, but it also causes us to fear because we can never seem to take that untamed and free step into the wild ourselves.
The world in 2017 spiraled away from what was normal and it touched me so deep inside that something broke.
Everyone spoke, but no one listened.
If I were a cow, this would be me. Going where I’m not supposed to go to get something good. A part of the herd, but apart from the heard.
Life is very difficult for me right now. And I don’t use the word “very” often.
After returning from a short vacation to visit my mom and not seeing everyone in my family that I wanted to, I have been working. Literally. It’s all I have done. I returned from vacation on June 27. I have had five days off since then. I can feel it. Something inside is about to break.
In mid-January 2016, I came across a reading challenge. Since I like to read, I figured I’d have a go at trying to finish each category. It wasn’t always possible. Here are the categories and how I fared.
Morning at the Scotts Bluff National Monument.
I’m tired of life’s interactions. I’m tired of the ruts. I’m tired of the expectations. I’m tired of wanting to do more, but mentally, cannot.
I’m tired and not because my iron levels will never be higher than the low end of normal. I’m not suicidal. I’m not depressed. But I am tired of the every day.
I’ve been working full-time since before I was a teenager. Doing what was expected of me, regardless of whether I felt it was fair.
I’m tired of never feeling like I fit in. I’m tired of worrying what will happen when I do.
I’m tired being on a budget. I’m tired from being tired and missing out while struggling to keep my head above the waters of doubt, rejection and negativity.