Writings

What I want for the holidays

As families plan to get together for Thanksgiving and remember the things they are thankful for, they also make plans for Christmas, which is a time to share memories, make new ones, and reflect on the year gone by.

I do not celebrate Christmas or participate in any celebrations. There are, however, a few things I want this holiday season.

I would like:

  • A day of rest and relief from the pressure I put on myself to be perfect every day
  • To know that, whatever I do, I am enough
  • For acceptance from others even if they can’t understand the struggles I face
  • A day of rest, not just a day off work, but a day with no anxiety, no churning of memories and nightmares, no responsibilities, no interruptions
  • A hug
  • To not be asked what I’m doing for the holiday season. I will be with Paul at home as usual
  • To not hear people sigh when I say we will be alone. We like it that way
  • To finish the list of stories I have started before I pull anymore out of my head
  • To quiet the inner conversations for just a little while
  • To not worry about whether I can meet deadline, if I said something stupid, or what others think of me
  • To write more
  • For others to know I have trouble making immediate responses and to be patient while I formulate answers
  • For others to know that sometimes, it takes a long period of time to process information and I cannot make immediate decisions or give prompt answers
  • Understanding and knowledge
  • The time to travel and learn
  • To have one day where my brain doesn’t remind me of what I did wrong today, yesterday, or five years ago
  • To know it will all be worth it in the end
  • For people to understand that any mental illness is not a choice
  • To end all stigma surrounding mental illness
  • To be believed
  • To not be judged
  • For others to understand that I don’t always understand why I do the things I do. It isn’t always immediately apparent
  • To not be patronized or looked down upon
  • To not be told everything will be okay
  • For others to know that trauma takes a long time to heal and there will be glitches along the way
  • To not be interrupted when I am trying to speak
  • For people to be kinder to one another

I hope all that isn’t too much to ask for. However, if you would like to oblige, I would also like french fries and chocolate cake. Better yet, a chocolate cake that looks like french fries.

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1 Comment

  1. Jina RN

    Yes, im beginning to see someone under that veil that thinks almost same as me. I like your thoughts but im not thinking exactly the same because no 2 people are alike, be happy!!

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