As families plan to get together for Thanksgiving and remember the things they are thankful for, they also make plans for Christmas, which is a time to share memories, make new ones, and reflect on the year gone by.
I do not celebrate Christmas or participate in any celebrations. There are, however, a few things I want this holiday season.
I would like:
- A day of rest and relief from the pressure I put on myself to be perfect every day
- To know that, whatever I do, I am enough
- For acceptance from others even if they can’t understand the struggles I face
- A day of rest, not just a day off work, but a day with no anxiety, no churning of memories and nightmares, no responsibilities, no interruptions
- A hug
- To not be asked what I’m doing for the holiday season. I will be with Paul at home as usual
- To not hear people sigh when I say we will be alone. We like it that way
- To finish the list of stories I have started before I pull anymore out of my head
- To quiet the inner conversations for just a little while
- To not worry about whether I can meet deadline, if I said something stupid, or what others think of me
- To write more
- For others to know I have trouble making immediate responses and to be patient while I formulate answers
- For others to know that sometimes, it takes a long period of time to process information and I cannot make immediate decisions or give prompt answers
- Understanding and knowledge
- The time to travel and learn
- To have one day where my brain doesn’t remind me of what I did wrong today, yesterday, or five years ago
- To know it will all be worth it in the end
- For people to understand that any mental illness is not a choice
- To end all stigma surrounding mental illness
- To be believed
- To not be judged
- For others to understand that I don’t always understand why I do the things I do. It isn’t always immediately apparent
- To not be patronized or looked down upon
- To not be told everything will be okay
- For others to know that trauma takes a long time to heal and there will be glitches along the way
- To not be interrupted when I am trying to speak
- For people to be kinder to one another
I hope all that isn’t too much to ask for. However, if you would like to oblige, I would also like french fries and chocolate cake. Better yet, a chocolate cake that looks like french fries.
Jina RN
Yes, im beginning to see someone under that veil that thinks almost same as me. I like your thoughts but im not thinking exactly the same because no 2 people are alike, be happy!!