Moments before sunrise, the visitors center at Agate Fossil Beds National Monument is still obscured in fog.
Sometimes, you reach a point in your life where you think, “fuck it. I’m going to tell the story.” I don’t want to hold onto the bullshit anymore. It’s time to tell the story so I can move on.
Last weekend, Lewis Hamilton won the Spanish Grand Prix. It was his first race win since joining Ferrari in 2025. He’s told the media he had to remember who he was and what he was capable of. He needed time to figure that out after a disastrous season last year.
Page one of a writing assignment in 1988.
This was how my 17-year old brain thought when given a writing assignment in English class. The assignment was to describe a room using as many adjectives as possible, but without making it sound like shit. I chose my bedroom, though the bits about the drum set were in my mind. It was turned in on March 4, 1988. I thought I was edgy and cool then because no one seemed to understand what I was writing. I got an A. That’s all that mattered at the time.
At the beginning of each week, I make a list of goals. Sometimes, they are small. Most of January was scrapped because I couldn’t sleep. Waking up from flashbacks is horrifying enough, but at least I know what they are now and can process a little and try to get some more rest. The constant headache from no sleep is aggravating. Not being able to concentrate due to sleep deprivation is, well, tiresome.
Every year, at the end of November, I begin to think about how I’d like my next year to look while reflecting on where I’ve been and the progress I’ve made. This year, 2025 threw me a few major curveballs.
The screaming woke me up. It took several moments for me to determine the screaming was coming from inside my head. It happens. It is part of my trauma. It is part of a flashback. It gets worse, like everything else in October.
A drawing I recently made.
One of the most important things my grandmother taught me was “it never hurts to ask.”
Oh, hey, look at that alliteration I accidentally did with my title. Anyway…
I had lunch yesterday and the day before with two really good friends whose opinions I value and respect. For the last year, I’ve been toying with the idea of two different blog posts, but have been hesitant to write them. Ultimately, this is my blog and I can write what I want, but I also want to be respectful of other people and not come off as an angry bitch.
I am a big doofus who always forgets to smile. I hate selfies, but my head is warm.
As I pushed the door open to exit Great Clips, a wave of cold bashed me upside the head. It felt like a giant ice cube had immediately enveloped my head. “Shit,” I said. “I forgot my damn hat.”
Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén
