At the beginning of each week, I make a list of goals. Sometimes, they are small. Most of January was scrapped because I couldn’t sleep. Waking up from flashbacks is horrifying enough, but at least I know what they are now and can process a little and try to get some more rest. The constant headache from no sleep is aggravating. Not being able to concentrate due to sleep deprivation is, well, tiresome.
Every year, at the end of November, I begin to think about how I’d like my next year to look while reflecting on where I’ve been and the progress I’ve made. This year, 2025 threw me a few major curveballs.
The screaming woke me up. It took several moments for me to determine the screaming was coming from inside my head. It happens. It is part of my trauma. It is part of a flashback. It gets worse, like everything else in October.
A drawing I recently made.
One of the most important things my grandmother taught me was “it never hurts to ask.”
Oh, hey, look at that alliteration I accidentally did with my title. Anyway…
I had lunch yesterday and the day before with two really good friends whose opinions I value and respect. For the last year, I’ve been toying with the idea of two different blog posts, but have been hesitant to write them. Ultimately, this is my blog and I can write what I want, but I also want to be respectful of other people and not come off as an angry bitch.
I am a big doofus who always forgets to smile. I hate selfies, but my head is warm.
As I pushed the door open to exit Great Clips, a wave of cold bashed me upside the head. It felt like a giant ice cube had immediately enveloped my head. “Shit,” I said. “I forgot my damn hat.”
I created this video about my grandmother a few months ago for a creative nonfiction class I was taking. While I had some experience slapping together videos as a reporter at the Star-Herald, they were always “quick and dirty” to get the information out. This was my first serious attempt at making a visual essay.
It’s been quite the week and I’ve spent a lot of time in thoughtful contemplation. Wilson Cruz shared this video five days ago. I just came across it now. He is absolutely right on all account and it would be good if you took a couple of minutes to watch it.
Yesterday, I went to pick up my ballot to vote early in the 2024 election. Waiting in lines is difficult, so it’s been beneficial that I can pick up my ballot and take it home, where I can calmly spend time choosing a candidate or picking a for/against and retain/repeal issue.
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