Writings

Tag: Nebraska

When other people cause the magic to fade

On any given Sunday, the movie theater was where you used to be able to find me. Cinemas 6 in the Caldor Plaza was about a mile’s walk from home. It eventually expanded to become Cinemas 9. My friend, Doug, and I would spend the day there, arriving for the first show around 11 a.m., and leaving after the last, near midnight.

Before going, a plot was made of each movie and which theater it was in or the time listing from the newspaper was torn out and kept in my pocket. As each movie ended, we walked with the exiting crowd, slipping into the next open theater.

Employees and management didn’t seem to mind. We didn’t cause trouble. If we were loud and disruptive, we’d be kicked out.

She soothes my soul

Cinders stares off into the distance.

Sometimes the purring wakes me up.

It’s 4:30 a.m. Without opening my eyes, I can feel her head nuzzled on my collar bone. She’s only partially awake, but I must disturb her so I can begin my day.

Like clockwork, she comes near me at 7:20 a.m. She extends her left paw toward me for head scratchings and belly rubs before I head out the door.

I was once a legend

Everybody wants to be somebody and, once, I was. For a little while.

The girls from Love two and three walked down to the Cather-Pound-Neihardt dining hall together. It wasn’t an unusual sight. Whoever was around at dinner time would eat together. Sometimes, they would hang out and wait in the TV lounge until a few people had gathered. Tonight, however, was different.

Fuck Everything

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Fuck life. Fuck adulthood. Fuck being responsible. Fuck you if you hand handle a four letter word. No one asked you to read this fucking tirade.

Fuck diabetes and the fucking bullshit that goes with it. Fuck needles. Fuck insulin. Fuck half the paycheck that goes to keeping me the fuck alive. Fuck eating healthy and still being fucked over by the gene pool. Fuck never being able to eat anything unhealthy or risk the five fucking days it takes to recover. Fuck everyone who makes fun of you for the things you eat. Fuck the daily exercise that results in zero weight loss after three years. Why the fuck am I even trying?

The Ladybug

A ladybug on my windshield.

A ladybug on my windshield.

A ladybug was on my windshield when I left work today
she clung to the glass as I pulled away

After a few blocks
she gingerly moved a few millimeters

By the time I got home
she was swiftly moving toward the edge of the windshield

Then she scurried to the wiper
and rested underneath
protecting herself
from the frequent Nebraska wind

Written on 31 October 2015

Sleep. If you can

It was December 1997 when my husband, Paul, and I had our own place together. It was an apartment on Lillibridge Street in Lincoln, Nebraska. At some point in 2000, I woke up in the middle of the night. The clock read 3:37. A heavy pressure pushed on my chest and I panicked, ever so slightly. It had happened to me before. It happens to me still. It’s a result of sleep paralysis.

Sleep paralysis occurs as a natural part of REM sleep. It can occur when falling asleep or upon waking. I am only familiar with the latter and it lasts several seconds to minutes. Practically speaking, it is the most terrifying feeling I have ever experienced. Regardless of knowing what it is, there is always a sense of fear.

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