It was day nine or ten living on the basement couch. Hours had been spent staring at the wall, the ceiling, the floor. I knew every flaw in everything in the room. I saw the cracks in the ceiling. I saw the holes in the wall. I traced the outline of missing parts of floor tile with my eyes. I didn’t care about any of it at all.
The book is done. It’s out of my hands for the next three weeks. Then, the editing comes. It should be time to relax, get back into the swing of things at work, but there’s something not quite right.
“Have you noticed your mental health improve at all since you left Facebook?” Sandra asked. I nodded my head in agreement. In between shoveling bites of food in our faces she admitted that it seemed to help her mental health as well by spending less time on the platform. It’s a task that has taken me nearly a year to accomplish.
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I don’t usually sit and reflect on an entire year. If something needs to be changed in my life, I take measures to make that happen when it occurs. This past year, however, was different.
Animals have an amazing way of making us feel better. My cats have a way of calming me in a way no human can and the animals at our local zoo have a way of doing even more.
As families plan to get together for Thanksgiving and remember the things they are thankful for, they also make plans for Christmas, which is a time to share memories, make new ones, and reflect on the year gone by.
I sometimes sit and think about the heat death of the universe. In 10100 years, or a googol, I won’t be here to see it, but I think about all that will be lost when that happens. All the evidence pointing toward our existence will be gone. Documents about what we tried to do here, our triumphs and tragedies will disappear. Whatever living things that are left will be gone. Our only possible salvation would be the existence of the multiverse. If the multiverse were real, we might have a chance to survive elsewhere. Yet, it is highly unlikely.
September through December are difficult times for me personally. The end of October and beginning of November are the worst. For thirty-four years, I’ve kept the demons at bay by ignoring them, but they are always close by, pushing for relevance in my life. One year ago, I began to confront them. One by one, they are having less relevance in my life and I am moving a little bit forward each day to find the better me.
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