Mrs. Blustein, my fifth grade teacher, brought a lady in to speak with us about politics. It was an election year and she was running for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. She didn’t have to come and speak to a bunch of 11 year olds, but I was glad that she did because I found it fascinating. We were learning about how politics work and here was a lady willing to explain all to us and answer our most idiotic questions. It was 1982 and that visit set me on a path of becoming aware of what was going on in the world and how I might actually be able to help effect change.
A drawing of T-Rex by Wyatt and me. I drew the head and teeth. Wyatt didn’t like my horns and said they needed to be “more pointy.”
A notification popped up on my phone. It was from my friend, Jina. I rarely read emails on my phone, save for things that are emergencies, and this was no different. When I returned home a few hours later, I read my email, nodded my head and spoke to my monitor. Yeah, that’s right. Now you know why it takes me so long to reply to emails. I tend to talk right back at you and forget to actually type out the damned response.
I don’t think this is anything related to my trauma. It’s just how my brain works. It’s also why I have written about a dozen awesome posts in my head over the past month, but never actually typed them. Sometimes, I type them in dreams and forget to do it in the real world. Today, I’m going to start typing them out and share them here.
We’ve been on a terrible timeline since the end of 2016. If we are going to be forced to live with this shitshow, I think it should start off with a bang to make me smile. Here is my proposal on how to start 2025 and survive the next four years.
Yesterday, I went to pick up my ballot to vote early in the 2024 election. Waiting in lines is difficult, so it’s been beneficial that I can pick up my ballot and take it home, where I can calmly spend time choosing a candidate or picking a for/against and retain/repeal issue.
At the 2021 Formula 1 Russian Grand Prix in Sochi, Lando Norris was just a few laps away from taking his first win. Seven-time champion Lewis Hamilton was chasing down Lando. There didn’t seem to be enough laps for Lewis to catch him and take the lead. Then, the rain came.
Lando qualified on pole and comfortably led the majority of the race. As the conditions worsened, both drivers’ pit walls got on the radio to tell their drivers to “box.” When a driver hears “box, box,” it means they need to come into the pits. This is typically for a tire change, but something else could be happening as well. Box is a shortened version of the German, boxenstopp (pit stop).
At the start of the race, Lewis fell from 4th to 6th place. Lando lost the lead, but regained it and looked like he would win. Lewis clawed his way back to 2nd with his eyes set on the win. As the rain fell, both drivers were ordered to box for intermediate tires. “Slicks” have no grip in the rain, which was expected, but turned into a deluge. Both drivers refused to box. On the next lap, Lando’s team again told him he needed to come in. He got angry and again said no and that he would be fine. Lewis’s team again told him to box and he came in for intermediate tires. Lando continued to refuse to come in and ran off the track several times.
When Lewis came back out of the pits, he was now under two seconds behind Lando. There were two laps to go. At turn 5, Lando’s McLaren aquaplaned off the track. Lewis took the lead. Lando boxed and aquaplaned in the pit entry. Lewis won the race, making him the first driver in F1 history to win 100 races. Lando finished seventh.
I have often wondered how, statistically, I never became a drug addict, homeless, or ended up dead. Researchers have also found that folks like me, who endured immense traumas early in life, could keep going because there was one person who made a difference when it was needed to make you think you could keep going. This could be a few people over time and not always the same person. They were just the right person at the right time, when you needed someone. My grandmother was often that person in my life.
Agate Fossil Beds National Monument is one of my favorite places in the world. I like it so much, I’ve left instructions in my will to spread my ashes there.
A few weeks ago, KC Heath, co-owner of Nspire Today forwarded me an email about John Emery, a black and white large format photographer, who was going to be their artist in residence. KC thought it would be an awesome story. I agreed, but it’s not the kind of story Nspire does. We talked for a few minutes and I said, “You know what, KC? I like taking pictures and I love being in nature. They’re both good for my mental health, especially when I can actually go and do those things. I can write my column about it.”
I looked at the clock – 5:27 a.m. I’ve lost nearly 90 minutes in this flashback. The screaming woke me up again. My nausea alternated between a 7 and a 9. When it finally settled down to a 3, I started crying. I thought to myself, “I don’t feel well.” Then, a memory unlocked of a conversation I had many times with my mother when she came to wake me up for school.
The Sugar Factory in Scottsbluff on the evening of January 11, 2024.
A few days ago, I woke up to find my computer had rebooted. When I went to recover my open files, LibreOffice went through the process, but, then, nothing. Untitled1, Untitled2, Untitled3, and so on were empty. I sat and stared at my screen. There was no anger, only sadness. I’d lost the all the posts I had been working on for the blog except one. That one is titled Book List 2024. I lost the last bit of the file, but it’s easily replaced.
Sometimes it’s hard to sit down to write and explain what is going on with me. There are always several different stories bouncing around in my head, so I’m never short of ideas. What I lack is providing a good description of things to people who have no experience in the realms I have been in.
