I have never had writer’s block. I have had plenty of instances of “this is stupid and why are you making me write this garbage,” but I’ve always been able to write. On Thursday, December, 2, 2021, that all changed.
Each January, I gather together suggestions for books and make a list of the things I want to read. I typically read 18-24 books a year, plus scientific studies and podcasts as they come along, but the past two years have been a bit difficult for me and my focus was not quite there. This year, I’ve gathered 10 books. If I can get back on track, I’ll be finished with them halfway through 2022, but I want to be realistic in my goals, so this list is a good way to achieve it.
December was an unexpectedly terrible month, beginning with my brother-in-law, David, informing Paul about their dad’s fall.
Londo patiently waits for kitty treats.
Sometimes, I wonder if what I write here is worthwhile and if anyone cares. Other times, I think, “this is my blog. I’ll write whatever I want,” but there is always a nagging thought at the back of my head wondering if what I do matters.
On a recent day out exploring northwest Nebraska, my friend and I were chatting and he told me he was thankful for the writing I do here. He does not have PTSD or experience depression. He said he was once the type of person who would wonder why people who are depressed don’t just snap out of it and get on with things, but through my writings, he has come to learn it isn’t so easy.
On September 28, 2021, I had a flashback. I wrote about it the next morning, but didn’t really know what to do with it until last night.
I don’t celebrate Christmas. The holiday isn’t full of happy memories for me and, so, my husband and I do other things. This year, I’ll be at work Christmas Eve and Christmas and Paul will likely be finishing The Last of Us Part II and starting Far Cry 6.
I’m still struggling to stay focused. I’ve got an overdue writing assignment I need to write. Well, I wrote it, didn’t like it, and deleted it. Now I have to start over. I am also helping raise another project from its semi-dead state. It’s a great idea and one I support, but when the rug is pulled out from under you, it takes a while to see things clearly again. I had a good doctor’s appointment earlier this week, with everything going mostly as planned. I’ve lost 40 pounds this year and I bought some new pants yesterday. I’ve been going to work the past two months with pants two sizes too big for me, so it will be nice having clothes that fit.
Ten years ago, two influential people in my life passed away. My grandmother, Lorraine, died on June 11, 2011. I continue to write stories about her and the impact she had on my life. I don’t often speak about prominent atheists and how they have also helped to shape my character, but Christopher Hitchens was one of them. He passed away on December 15, 2011 after a battle with esophageal cancer. Both had a lasting impact on my life, including teaching me to always seek knowledge, to always question everything and to always try to be a better person than you are today.
Dec. 1, was a good day. I spent my time with a friend in northwest Nebraska. I took a lot of pictures, had great conversations, and new stories to tell. Then, Dec. 2, happened. It was the kind of day that pulls the rug out from under you, upsets the apple cart, and destroys whatever good was going on in your life.
It’s a difficult time for me right now, but I wanted to give thanks to every single person on Earth who is vaccinated.
Although I have two things written, I am choosing not to post either this week. I may not ever post them as they are far too angry for the world to see in their current form.
Nikita Mazepin is a Formula One driver in his rookie year for the Uralkali Haas F1 Team. The team is considered the worst team this year, as evidenced by their accumulation of zero points and finishing last in nearly every race this season.