Fifty minutes after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, I sat in my therapist’s office. It was difficult to speak. All the idioms are fitting. I felt like I’d been hit with a ton of bricks. My soul was crushed.
Category: Ramblings Page 2 of 15
At the 2021 Formula 1 Russian Grand Prix in Sochi, Lando Norris was just a few laps away from taking his first win. Seven-time champion Lewis Hamilton was chasing down Lando. There didn’t seem to be enough laps for Lewis to catch him and take the lead. Then, the rain came.
Lando qualified on pole and comfortably led the majority of the race. As the conditions worsened, both drivers’ pit walls got on the radio to tell their drivers to “box.” When a driver hears “box, box,” it means they need to come into the pits. This is typically for a tire change, but something else could be happening as well. Box is a shortened version of the German, boxenstopp (pit stop).
At the start of the race, Lewis fell from 4th to 6th place. Lando lost the lead, but regained it and looked like he would win. Lewis clawed his way back to 2nd with his eyes set on the win. As the rain fell, both drivers were ordered to box for intermediate tires. “Slicks” have no grip in the rain, which was expected, but turned into a deluge. Both drivers refused to box. On the next lap, Lando’s team again told him he needed to come in. He got angry and again said no and that he would be fine. Lewis’s team again told him to box and he came in for intermediate tires. Lando continued to refuse to come in and ran off the track several times.
When Lewis came back out of the pits, he was now under two seconds behind Lando. There were two laps to go. At turn 5, Lando’s McLaren aquaplaned off the track. Lewis took the lead. Lando boxed and aquaplaned in the pit entry. Lewis won the race, making him the first driver in F1 history to win 100 races. Lando finished seventh.
I have officially lived more of my life outside of New York State than in it. Considering the first 18 years of my life – minus a one-year stint in Hollywood, Florida – were spent in the Hudson Valley, I don’t think the New Yorker in me will ever go away.
I grew up about 90 minutes north of New York City, surrounded by trees, woods, and plenty of nature where I could, and often did, get lost. The first time I ever traveled into New York City was about six weeks before my 21st birthday.
When I say I sometimes miss New York, I am thinking of two distinct things – the variety of food and the trees. The people I know in western Nebraska don’t really understand the amount of trees I grew up around and how nature was always, and often literally, right outside my door.
Right now, I’m missing the trees.
I sometimes get behind in my writing for Nspire Today. We aim for around 1,800 words per article. My stories are typically 1,700-2,700 words, but the majority are around 2,300 words.
I can write longer if needed. I also find that, as I near 3,000 words, my hands start to hurt. Sometimes, I’ll push through as it means I’m close to being done with a second story, but my editor, Jeff, has repeatedly told me to only write one story a day, so I don’t risk burning out. I typically write 14-17 stories per month plus a column about mental health.
I looked at the clock – 5:27 a.m. I’ve lost nearly 90 minutes in this flashback. The screaming woke me up again. My nausea alternated between a 7 and a 9. When it finally settled down to a 3, I started crying. I thought to myself, “I don’t feel well.” Then, a memory unlocked of a conversation I had many times with my mother when she came to wake me up for school.
The Sugar Factory in Scottsbluff on the evening of January 11, 2024.
A few days ago, I woke up to find my computer had rebooted. When I went to recover my open files, LibreOffice went through the process, but, then, nothing. Untitled1, Untitled2, Untitled3, and so on were empty. I sat and stared at my screen. There was no anger, only sadness. I’d lost the all the posts I had been working on for the blog except one. That one is titled Book List 2024. I lost the last bit of the file, but it’s easily replaced.
I’ve been trying to keep this space as non-political as possible. Sometimes, however, you read the news with a smile. I was content to let the obituary notification for Henry Kissinger go, visit ishenrykissingerdead one last time, and move on with life. This morning, however, the first thing I read was about some shit South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem said.
Sometimes it’s hard to sit down to write and explain what is going on with me. There are always several different stories bouncing around in my head, so I’m never short of ideas. What I lack is providing a good description of things to people who have no experience in the realms I have been in.
My clock at an angle, which makes the moon phase look wrong.
I woke up at 11:30 p.m., panicked and sweating. It’s common occurrence. My right eye hurt – another frequent notation in my sleep log, which is usually connected to the entire right side of my face hurting.
Working with my therapist, I have an inkling of what some of these things are, but it’s going to take time to figure them out. I have to piece together what’s happening and why, while listening to what my body is telling me. Unlike my brain, my body can’t paint pictures or speak.