My grandparents’ grave. My mother’s ashes are buried beneath the wreath my great-nephew, Wyatt, picked out. We must wait for Spring to add her headstone.
End of Line
I walk into your home, but you’re not there
things of you, things about you
they are you, but you are not there
I walk into your room, bed’s not made
you were going to sleep here again
at the end of the day
I wait next to your bed, remembering days gone by
and hold the thoughts of waking you
for an extra quarter to buy lunch
I stand alone in your living room
not sure what to do, I wait for you, alone
dreaming of the day you walk through the door
I walk through your empty rooms
touch your belongings and wonder
do I have a right to move them,
do I have a right to clean
I walk into your dining room
sit in your place
take a deep breath
wondering when I can exhale again
I walk in to your hospital room
I want a hug, I want to cry
but now is not the time to fall apart
I kiss you on the forehead as you sleep
wishing you could come home with me
It was not so long ago, we’d spend hours on the phone
I long to hear your voice, but your vocal chords are strained
I want to speak with you every day
The distance is too far and there is not enough time
The doctors help you breathe on your own again
I watch it all through a phone, but you do not wake up
I wait patiently for you to make a sound,
grasping on unconscious vibrations, is it really you?
I long to speak with you, that time is now passed
There are still so many questions, forever unanswered
Nine months is not enough time to say goodbye
Nine months is not enough time to prepare
Lost in pain and memories
silently, I think of days when you were there
those times are gone, it’s all empty now
A small picture clenched in my palm
the only way to see you again, still I can’t bear to look.
Childhood friends arrive to say goodbye
a former coworker returned your recipe for me to keep
Laid to rest, life is still,
the sky is silent, Spring is here
surrounded by family forevermore
There will be no “one more” embrace
I sit in your blue rocking chair one last time
this is all I can do today
A piece of my heart remains, you rest now with your mom and dad
Peacefully, the snow falls.
Winter’s come, but the smell of your baking is not here.
A wreath from Wyatt to keep you company for eternity.
AJ
Beautiful