Mom and Gram, sometime in the early 1980s.
“This is Mommy Dearest,” you’d say
whenever I called on the phone
An old throwback to a movie
which always made me smile
At the end, I tell you I love you once more
hang up the phone, continue my day
We’ll talk again soon, probably tomorrow
I spoke to you a few days before
I was going to call you that day
I was waiting a couple of hours ‘til you were back home
but the crash had already happened when those thoughts entered my brain
A moment in time
takes that away
We can’t communicate like we once did
and I’m not ready to live without you
We used to talk on the phone all the time
sometimes to chit chat,
just to catch up
sometimes because I still need my mom
There’s never been a need to forgive anything in our lives
our words and actions move us through time together
We’ve weathered many storms
but, this time, the waves might kill me
Did I make you proud
Am I enough
Am I good enough
to still be called your daughter
Have I done what was needed
to help you live comfortably now
is there something else, I need to do
to ease your pain, to give you your dignity
A moment in time
takes that away
We can’t communicate like we once did
and I’m not ready to live without you
I slashed my hand in an accident
wanted to call you after I returned
from the hospital
stitched and bandaged and hurting inside
I picked up the phone, but I can’t call
you can’t soothe my hurts
I am helpless to take your pain away
all I can do is tell you I love you
Do you sleep well there
Are you getting better
will you be my mommy again
I’m not ready to let you go
Your dark, curly hair, placed in a bun
is now a matted mess
cut and gone
and I had to do that to you
A moment in time
takes that away
We can’t communicate like we once did
and I’m not ready to live without you
I’ll see you in a couple of weeks at your bed side
I’ll never feel like I did enough
to help you get better
but all I want right now, is to see you smile again
Are you afraid, are you sad
when can we talk, when can we hug
when can you say once again, I love you
Do you still?
Did I do enough
am I enough
I miss your voice
I miss my mom
A moment in time
takes that away
We can’t communicate like we once did
and I’m not ready to live without you