{"id":4271,"date":"2025-11-01T11:49:59","date_gmt":"2025-11-01T17:49:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/?p=4271"},"modified":"2025-11-01T11:49:59","modified_gmt":"2025-11-01T17:49:59","slug":"being-poor-isnt-a-moral-failing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/2025\/11\/01\/being-poor-isnt-a-moral-failing\/","title":{"rendered":"Being poor isn\u2019t a moral failing"},"content":{"rendered":"<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@mrwilliamsprek\/video\/7566259003836075294\" data-video-id=\"7566259003836075294\" style=\"max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;\" >\n<section> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"@mrwilliamsprek\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@mrwilliamsprek?refer=embed\">@mrwilliamsprek<\/a> Food is a human right, not a luxury <a title=\"feedthehungry\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/feedthehungry?refer=embed\">#feedthehungry<\/a> <a title=\"snap\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/snap?refer=embed\">#snap<\/a> <a title=\"family\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/family?refer=embed\">#family<\/a> <a title=\"teachersoftiktok\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/teachersoftiktok?refer=embed\">#teachersoftiktok<\/a> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"\u266c original sound - Mr Williams\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7566258955769465630?refer=embed\">\u266c original sound &#8211; Mr Williams<\/a> <\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>My father left us shortly after I turned three years old. My sister was five. My mom was 26. He never paid child support or provided for us in any way. It was 1973. <\/p>\n<p>Mom held several odd jobs, including babysitting, while she searched for work to support us. On January 1, 1976, she started work as a Therapy Aide at the <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Middletown_State_Hospital\">Middletown Psychiatric Center<\/a>. It provided medical benefits and it was a secure job.<\/p>\n<p>One day, I hopped into the car, which wasn\u2019t Mom\u2019s car. It was her boyfriend\u2019s car. Jim moved in with us so we could all afford the rent, food, and other basic things to live. He worked at the Psych Center, too. I saw the familiar box in the middle of the back seat. I didn\u2019t know it, but this was probably my first job, at age six or seven. Mom had taken that job, done in her spare time, to bring in a little extra cash.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer-1024x747.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"629\" height=\"459\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-4272\" srcset=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer-1024x747.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer-300x219.jpg 300w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer-768x560.jpg 768w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer-900x656.jpg 900w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/cocktail-stirrer.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 629px) 100vw, 629px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Inside the box were long sheets of \u201cplastic sticks\u201d attached to more plastic. They were cocktail stirrers. Mom and I would break them off the sheets and then bag them up. I had to know how to count to 12 if I wanted to help bag them. It was something fun for little me to do and I was helping Mom. I hadn\u2019t yet realized we were poor and she was trying to hustle for a little bit extra money. At the time, she worked 3:30 p.m., to Midnight, so finding extra work with two little girls wasn\u2019t the easiest thing to do, especially when your youngest goes to afternoon kindergarten. I went to afternoon kindergarten because I could walk home with my aunt, who is only six years older than me, and my sister.<\/p>\n<p>Before I reached double digits in age, Mom and Jim began junk picking. Our town had two times a year where you could toss whatever crap you had out with the garbage and they would take it away. Around 1 a.m., we\u2019d climb into the rusty Dodge van and drive around town. We picked up broken Big Wheels and cobbled them together to make one that worked and we could sell. The same thing happened with Sit n Spins, televisions, vacuums, etc.<\/p>\n<p>Many other items were broken, but there was valuable copper inside we could sell. At eight years old, I was trusted to use an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Xacto-X3311-Precision-Knife-Blades\/dp\/B0000DD1N4\/141-7901533-3795867\">X-acto knife<\/a> to strip the copper inside the plastic casing. I was really good at it. It also calmed the inner turmoil no one else knew about. I felt useful to my family, one of the few times I have ever felt this way.<\/p>\n<p>We had old aluminum chairs, standard and long, we\u2019d pick up and strip of its netting and take to the recycling plant. We took people\u2019s newspapers and recycled those as well. When New York State passed recycling laws, all but the aluminum cans were cut off for us as a way to make money. A 5-cent refund was add to cans. Mom picked them up until around 1998. She made $2,000-3,000 a year.<\/p>\n<p>Until the late 1990s, she also picked up whatever she found on the side of the road \u2013 towel, shirt, jacket, tools. It could all be cleaned and reused. It was extremely embarrassing. Only the rich assholes and bullies made fun of me when they saw me. They never missed an opportunity, K-12, to make fun of me in school for it.<\/p>\n<p>By the time I was 10, Mom had taken to using her crocheting skills for cash. She crocheted Smurfs and forced me to sell them door-to-door, all over town. I learned as an adult it was often grocery money. I still hate how I was forced to do it, but, adult me understands.<\/p>\n<p>Mom was masterful at couponing. I don\u2019t think she ever paid full price for anything. Even as an adult, she would call me and ask, \u201cGuess how much I paid for groceries today?\u201d Sometimes, with the coupons, she got money back. Yeah, imagine that. Most of the time, she paid less than $25 for hundreds of dollars in groceries.<\/p>\n<p>She \u201crefunded\u201d with a group from around the country. Coupons used to last several months to a year. She\u2019d clip them from the Sunday paper and mail them to whoever on her list needed them. They did the same. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/marlboro-catalog-wallet-blanket.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/marlboro-catalog-wallet-blanket.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"435\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4273\" srcset=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/marlboro-catalog-wallet-blanket.jpg 800w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/marlboro-catalog-wallet-blanket-300x163.jpg 300w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/marlboro-catalog-wallet-blanket-768x418.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>We weren\u2019t smokers, but we got <a href=\"https:\/\/thefw.com\/1990s-marlboro-miles-rewards\/\">some nice things<\/a> from Marlboro when you could send in \u201cmiles\u201d and get cool shit. It\u2019s been decades, but I still have all of it. The red wool blanket is still in my trunk as my emergency blanket. Paul has a tan one in his car.<\/p>\n<p>Mom volunteered 20 hours a week for a bag of groceries. You didn\u2019t get to pick what was in the bag as it varied each week \u2013 except for those motherfucking cabbages. Every damn week, there\u2019s a head of cabbage. For years, cabbage every fucking week.<\/p>\n<p>Then, there\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Bisquick\">Bisquick<\/a>. She made dumplings, which were boiled. I get it. You can stretch your budget quite well. As a kid, it fucking sucks.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/lunch-card.webp\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/lunch-card.webp\" alt=\"\" width=\"960\" height=\"720\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4274\" srcset=\"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/lunch-card.webp 960w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/lunch-card-300x225.webp 300w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/lunch-card-768x576.webp 768w, https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/lunch-card-900x675.webp 900w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>We qualified for free lunch through elementary school. We had little cardboard lunch cards. Blue for free lunch. Yellow for reduced lunch. One year, Mom made $27 too much a year to qualify for free. The school district did something and we had free lunch for another year. From junior high on, it was reduced lunch \u2013 25 cents per day. Sometimes, I didn\u2019t have the money because bullies took it. I went hungry a lot in junior high.<\/p>\n<p>Throughout it all, I was made fun of \u2013 too poor to afford food. \u201cYour mom must be lazy,\u201d and \u201chow fucking stupid do you have to be to eat shitty school lunch?\u201d If I said anything, there would be more ridicule. I tried to get to the cafeteria quickly and inhale my food so they wouldn\u2019t see. In high school, I did the same, but took my food to the band room where I would climb into the drum cabinet where my quads were, close the door, and eat in darkness.<\/p>\n<p>When I was 14, I already had two paper routes, delivering about 70 papers a week. All the money I earned was put into my savings account to pay for college. My sister stole that money my freshman year in college and then abandoned my then 16-month old nephew before disappearing just like my father. But I digress.<\/p>\n<p>Mom got hurt at work that year. She took care of elderly <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Intellectual_disability\">intellectually disabled<\/a> people. You had to be at least 65 years old to be on the ward she worked on. One day, a patient decided they didn\u2019t want their meal and chucked it off their table. Mom just happened to be walking by. She slipped on some macaroni. As she was headed to the floor, she saw her eye was going to hit a sharp edge of a table. She did what she needed to do to move herself away as best as she could. The rest of her life, she often told me, \u201cIf I knew what was going to happen, I would have happily lost my eye instead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Mom seemed okay, but the next day, she couldn\u2019t get out of bed. For the next three years, everything was a struggle, physically, mentally, financially. She worked for the State, so it was a fight to get compensation. That came the year after I graduated high school. In the mean time, bills needed to be paid and we didn\u2019t want to starve.<\/p>\n<p>Mom refused to go on welfare. We had already endured years of being made fun of for being poor. Mom was blamed for our situation. No one ever blames the father. It\u2019s always the woman\u2019s fault. To be on government assistance meant you would need to endure the humility and embarrassment, the guilt trips and the stigma. She wasn\u2019t a lazy slob. She worked hard. The scars from the surgeries from the result of her physically demanding job were there for all to see.<\/p>\n<p>So, I got more paper routes. I delivered around 175 newspapers per day. It was another 25 or so on Sundays. Christmas Day was the only day the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.recordonline.com\/\">Times Herald-Record<\/a> didn\u2019t publish. At the time, we thought it would be enough to make ends meet.<\/p>\n<p>About a year and a half later, when we couldn\u2019t hustle anymore and the numbers didn\u2019t add up no matter what we tried to do, Mom went and applied for welfare. For whatever reason, they wouldn\u2019t accept us until they tracked down my father, who had at least a dozen aliases, got paid in cash, and drove truck for some \u201cItalian guys,\u201d hauling \u201cscrap metal\u201d and other things between New York and Florida. Mom begged her doctor to approve her for light duty so she could return to work. Mom didn\u2019t really crawl out of that situation fully until about a decade later.<\/p>\n<p>When she returned to work, she notified the welfare department, and politely said thanks for nothing. They asked if she would like the case to be open in case they ever found my father. She said, \u201csure and good luck.\u201d They found him when I was in my late 20s. He had a stroke and was in a nursing home. Mom called me to let me know.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat would you like me to do with your money?\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s not my money.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes, it is. The courts said he owed $25 a month for your sister and you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd he never paid, Mom. You went without all those years. Do something for yourself with it and use the other half for David.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We went back and forth a bit like this. She still felt I was entitled to the child support money. I refused to take it. When she passed away, the bank told me I had a joint savings account with her. It had $2,163 in it. She never spent a dime of it.<\/p>\n<p>While I love my mom, I wish she had applied for help when my father left in 1973. She would have qualified for many programs. We wouldn\u2019t have suffered so much.<\/p>\n<p>What she did was so reinforced in my brain that, when I couldn\u2019t afford food in college, I never thought to ask. For three months, I ate tuna on saltine crackers with no mayo and my one free meal at my job at Taco Bell. Going to get food stamps, visiting a food bank, or finding the soup kitchen wasn\u2019t an option. It would be admitting failure. At 20 years old.<\/p>\n<p>Calling Mom for help wasn\u2019t an option. She was working a second job to put me through college and I was working 35 hours a week. She felt obligated to replace the money my sister stole. I wasn\u2019t going to ask her for more.<\/p>\n<p>For much of my life, I\u2019ve needed a hand up, not a hand out. I needed help, not judgment.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The billionaires are the problem, not the immigrants.  #trump #usa \ufffc\" width=\"531\" height=\"944\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ROZRtyLuXRs?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>I ran across <a href=\"https:\/\/www.joemygod.com\/2025\/10\/walsh-let-noncitizen-snap-recipients-starve-to-death\/#comment-6790046045\">this comment<\/a>, which stirred up these, and so many more, memories. We should all be like this person\u2019s grandma.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>My Italian immigrant grandmother used to tell us how she and my Italian immigrant grandfather owned a 6 tenement house and during the depression she not only didn\u2019t collect rent but also fed their tenants\u2026.until they couldn\u2019t pay the mortgage and they lost the house to the bank. She was never bitter or angry about what they went through but rather proud of having done the right thing. Draw your own conclusions. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>If so-called christians would read their own \u201cgood book,\u201d they are commanded by their god to help instead of judging and tearing others down.<\/p>\n<p>Matthew 25:41-46<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cThen he will say to those on his left, \u2018Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.\u2019 <\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey also will answer, \u2018Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?\u2019 <\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe will reply, \u2018Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.\u2019 <\/p>\n<p>\u201cThen they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>James 2:15-16<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you tells him, \u201cGo in peace; stay warm and well fed,\u201d but does not provide for his physical needs, what good is that?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Luke 3:11<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>John replied, \u201cWhoever has two tunics should share with him who has none, and whoever has food should do the same.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>No one should go to bed hungry or starve to death. A poor person getting help has never made me feel robbed. We are never giving the wrong people help to purchase food. It\u2019s about providing people basic human dignity during their time of struggle. It\u2019s about not making anyone feel like my mom did. It\u2019s about not making people have to hustle to be able to afford basic human needs. <\/p>\n<p>If we are such a great nation, why are so many people struggling?<\/p>\n<p><em>Note: In addition to my own life, here are some links, which helped me spur my thoughts to write.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/old.reddit.com\/r\/BlackPeopleTwitter\/comments\/1okedxn\/this_is_reality_for_a_lot_of_americans_people_who\/\">This is reality for a lot of Americans. People who have never struggled will never really understand.<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.cbpp.org\/research\/food-assistance\/the-supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap\">Policy basics about the SNAP program<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.cbpp.org\/research\/food-assistance\/snap-helps-millions-of-workers-in-low-paying-jobs#:~:text=Many%20SNAP%20participants%20who%20didn,an%20injury%20or%20health%20condition.&#038;text=More%20recent%20annual%20Census%20data,with%20variable%20hours%20and%20pay\">SNAP Helps Millions of Workers in Low-Paying Jobs, Assists Workers With Low Wages, Irregular Schedules, Few Benefits<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.currentaffairs.org\/news\/let-food-stamp-recipients-eat-whatever-the-hell-they-want\">Let Food Stamp Recipients Eat Whatever The Hell They Want<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/ajph.aphapublications.org\/doi\/10.2105\/AJPH.2024.307863\">Safeguarding SNAP as an Effective Antihunger Program: Myths and Potential Harms of Adding Diet Quality as a Core Objective <\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/sph.umich.edu\/news\/2025posts\/restrictions-incentives-snap-food-policies.html\">Restriction vs. incentives: The complex reality of SNAP food policies<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.joemygod.com\/2025\/10\/walsh-snap-recipients-are-simply-entitled-lazy-barely-literate-and-frankly-just-bad-people-video\/\">Walsh: SNAP Recipients Are \u201cSimply Entitled, Lazy, Barely Literate, And Frankly Just Bad People\u201d [VIDEO]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>@mrwilliamsprek Food is a human right, not a luxury #feedthehungry #snap #family #teachersoftiktok \u266c original sound &#8211; Mr Williams<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[146,238,454,455,402],"class_list":["post-4271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories","tag-food","tag-mental-health","tag-poverty","tag-snap","tag-women"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4271","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4271"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4271\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4275,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4271\/revisions\/4275"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4271"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4271"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4271"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}