{"id":2576,"date":"2020-06-20T05:26:25","date_gmt":"2020-06-20T11:26:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.irenenorth.com\/writings\/?p=2576"},"modified":"2024-04-22T02:46:08","modified_gmt":"2024-04-22T02:46:08","slug":"burnout","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/2020\/06\/20\/burnout\/","title":{"rendered":"Burnout"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The existential fatigue runs deep
\nit never lets up
\nI spin in a constant burnout<\/p>\n

I have accepted my life will never be normal
\nnot like everyone else
\nI wish I could forget
\nevents that created the turmoil in my mind<\/p>\n

Each day I muster the strength to get through the waking hours
\nfind ways to concentrate on the daily tasks that must be done
\nPTSD burnout never ends
\nmy mind can never rest<\/p>\n

Push through the pain
\nPush through the fear
\nPush through the clenched jaw
\nPush through the depression
\nPush through the fatigue<\/p>\n

The constant churning in my head
\nmeans there is never a day of rest and relaxation
\nthere are moments
\nbut they are fleeting<\/p>\n

Some days are hard
\nI’m overwhelmed, beaten down
\nthat’s when the flashbacks come
\nwhen my brain can’t keep the memories out
\nand the horrors come flooding in<\/p>\n

In the fetal position on the closet floor, I cry
\nI’m done
\nI can’t take it anymore
\nand yet…<\/p>\n

Push through the fog and fuzziness
\nPush through the rapid heartbeat
\nPush through the vivid, visceral flashback
\nPush through
\nI always find a way to push through<\/p>\n

What I do to get to tomorrow is unthinkable to most
\nThey will never experience trauma,
\nmy trauma
\nand running on empty every moment of the day<\/p>\n

It’s a constant struggle
\nI remind myself even normal people struggle
\nit’s harder for me with added trauma
\ncontinual through my formative years
\nthe PTSD burnout is always intense<\/p>\n

I will hit a wall again
\nI will need to sleep all day
\nI will need to self-isolate
\nI will nosedive into negative self-talk
\nI will spend a day in a never-ending flashback
\nMy coping skills will fail
\nand that’s okay
\nas long as I don’t permanently give up<\/p>\n

I lay my head upon my pillow
\nbreathe deeply
\nperform my sleep routine
\nrecollect the trials of the day
\nExhausted, I try to spin down my mind
\nexperience a brief slumber<\/p>\n

I am a fucking superhero
\nin a war with myself
\nand a body in continual survival mode
\nyet, I must remember
\nto be kind
\nI’m doing the best I can<\/p>\n

Surviving didn’t make me stronger
\nI survived because I was strong
\nand I will get up tomorrow
\nand persevere again<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[285,294,377],"class_list":["post-2576","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry","tag-poetry","tag-ptsd","tag-trauma"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2576","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2576"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2576\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3655,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2576\/revisions\/3655"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/irenenorth.com\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}